On the Road Again… The First Step


My husband has asked me often to ride with him in his truck. I didn’t want to do it because I was honestly afraid of riding in the truck. I also thought, or better yet, I didn’t really know what to think. I mean I had never ridden in a truck like that and didn’t know that I really wanted to. I missed my husband though, terribly. And since we had moved to California he was still working for the same company and we had only seen each other 6 times in a 9 month period. He really didn’t want to take vacation yet, but rather save it for Christmas. My dilemma began. Ultimately I decided I had to go with him, otherwise I might not see him again for 6 months! It was more than I could bear, so I planned my trip back east. 

The company Roy works for allows for spouses to ride, but it has to be approved, so this process what set in motion. Liability and insurance are most likely the reason behind this. After all, if something happens while the spouse is in the truck owned and operated by the company, it would be a mess! Me joining my husband was approved. I was excited to see him, but secretly I was also alittle fearful of what was to come. I do know though, that God’s hand was in all of it even from the beginning. How? When I said I was a little fearful, it wasn’t the insurmountable fear that I would have felt even months prior. It was more of a tiny fear of the unknown and then a gigantic excitement. I was going to get to spend time with my husband AND get to see him work. I have never had an opportunity to see him “in his element” like this… excitement was beginning to build inside of me. 

I began to make the necessary arrangements and then a week before I was set to leave, Roy calls to see if I can change my plans slightly. Let me explain just a bit. My dad and stepmom still live in NC, where we lived for about 11 years, and my daughter and her husband were also in NC for the summer staying with his mom. I had planned on going to NC first to my Dad’s to spend time with him and my daughter and a handful of friends while Roy made his way to me within a few days from wherever he was at that point. Instead of our original plan, Roy got offered a run to Brooklyn for an event with permission to bring me. The kicker was that I would have to be in Nashville a day earlier and go to NC after we returned. In the next few hours I made the changes to my flight and other plans and was slated to fly into Nashville the following Thursday. 

Here is where I need to offer up some insight as to what my husband’s job actually entails. For the majority of professional truck drivers, they run what’s called over the road loads which are part of the truckload division. This means that they pick up a load from point A and deliver it to point B. These are generally 200-500 miles apart. My husband normally runs 2500-3000 miles per week in order to make a pleasing paycheck. The drivers are paid a certain amount, approximately 40-50 cents per mile they drive. Consequently, the miles are key. There is another division called On Tour Logistics, OTL, where the team will be on an event and will follow that around during its duration transporting sound, lighting and stage equipment. With this division, the drivers are paid by the day, because even if they are not driving, they are still required to be at the venue with their trucks. The events can be anything from a concert tour to a convention. The particular event we were on was for the NBA draft. The coolest part and totally a blessing from God, was that once we got to Brooklyn and unloaded, we were actually going to be staying in a hotel room for 3 nights! My truck-driving experience was going to be a teaser at first so I could acclimate slowly into the lifestyle.

In retrospect now, as I mentioned in the beginning, the favor from the Father was so evident from start to finish during these weeks. I was able to experience, but at a pace that would not be too overwhelming for me or too stressful for my husband. It was amazing, absolutely amazing. The weeks that followed were eye-opening to me on so many levels. As I am writing this today, I almost miss it. Of course I miss my husband, but I also miss riding with him… it was truly an adventure.

Now, since this has gone longer than I planned, I am going to end here. I will continue with the actually first moments on the truck… HAHA! Again, I am so glad the Lord was there easing the transition for both Roy and I. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure I had made the right decision, but it was SO good to be back with my husband! I was going to tough it out and make it work. After all, this is what he did day in and day out to take care of me, I could surely handle it for a few days… hopefully…

Never give up, that is just the place and the time the tide will turn.  ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

On the Road Again… Prologue

I recently had the opportunity to ride with a long distance truck driver for over 3 weeks. I lived the life with this truck driver. My husband is this truck driver. I felt like after this experience, I wanted and needed to write about this life, the life of a long distance truck driver.

As I begin the story about this journey, I want to give a shout out to my husband. Roy is his name, if you don’t know him. He is a professional truck driver and drives what some would call a “big truck”, some call it an “18-wheeler”, some call it a “tractor trailer”. For him, it is home… as he affectionately calls it, his “apaarrtmant” and his “office” too, because it is where he works from and where he lives too. This is an industry he knows well, as he has been doing it since he was a “kid” as he says, which means his early twenties. So, off and on throughout the last 40 years, he has been a professional driver.

In sharing about my time with my husband, I hope to enlighten everyone as to what a professional driver does on a day to day basis. They work hard, in a way that is physically and mentally tiring. Not only do I want to honor my husband for all he does to support our family in his job, but I want to somewhat educate the general public on this profession and these guys and gals who drive the roads.

This is the prologue to a series which I will be writing over the next few weeks. I hope it will open your eyes to the “big trucks” that surround us on the roads. I hope it will give you a new understanding of sharing the road with them. I also hope you will see what an honorably and necessary profession is it and give honor where it is due to these who are constantly “on the road again” as Willie Nelson would say.

What’s in a Song?


The music is important…

Yes it is. For many of us, it is at the center of who we are. Every feeling is expressed through a song, whether is be the lyrics or the music. 

More importantly though, the music is important because of where it leads us. 

Think about it… who created these beautiful sounds and the words that flow? The great musician himself… GOD.

So, ultimately, music should lead you into a place of communion with God. In a song, we should be hanging out with Jesus, praising Him, thanking Him… loving Him, as He loves us.

What’s in a song then? 

For me, I find many things in a song… peace, love, belonging, joy, energy, thankfulness, awe and praise. All of these point to a Heavenly Father and His nature… all of these are characteristics of Him. 

Over the years there were many times where music brought me through. In sadness and despair, somehow a song gave me strength to fight. And in happiness, a song only ignited my soul more. I honestly can say now as I look back, God was there in my songs. It was how He spoke to me in those seasons, especially the really dark ones. His hope was disguised in my favorite, “angry” or “sad” songs. Because of that, I made it through again and again. 

Now I have more “happy” songs, because I have come through so much and into a freedom where I can now breathe and finally live.  But, no matter what song I listen to, because my God is always with me, I know He is in the music. 

So, what’s in a song?

In my song, I find my Lord.  Together we sometimes cry, and sometimes, a lot of the time, we sing and dance together… that’s what’s in my song. What’s in yours? 

“Music is an agreeable harmony for the honor of God and the permissible delights of the soul.” ― Johann Sebastian Bach

Places to go…


I have always wanted to travel and actually have traveled quite a bit throughout my life. I cannot say it was very enjoyable to me though, not like it is now…

As I think about that, I look inside and I see again that familiar spirit which controlled my life, every single part of it. I cringe to even mention it, but know I must. Because as I speak of it I also speak the truth of what I now know. 

A life full of much, but not free to enjoy and experience, but rather one that was so tightly wound up in bondage to fear. 

My life… for 44 years… FEAR

Not only was I afraid all the time, but because of that fear, one of the side effects is that my memory is minimal. I struggle to find a rememberance of my life, most of it. That simple revelation almost brings me back to that place of fear, after all if cannot remember, then did something bad happen, and who was I? 

This is where my loving Father comes in and comforts me. As we peel back and deal with the layers of fear together, HE assures me of who I am, kind, considerate, loving and important. Not only that, I am little by little receiving bits and pieces of my life.

Yes! As I heal and step into my identity, God is bringing me memories of my life. 

And they are good memories, ones of laughter and joy and things I didn’t think I ever had. My life has been good. Maybe I have missed opportunity and experiences. But, I know there are plenty more ahead for me. Adventures even. 

The Lord has many more places for me to go. Because I no longer walk in fear, but rather courage and hope and freedom, my eyes will see in abundance, my eyes will see as the Father sees. People and places will not just be people and places but rather creations of the Father. Each interaction will be a divine appointment. 

My life is beginning again, as I am a new creation walking in my destiny. I don’t have time for fear, I have too many places to go…

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.  Helen Keller

People of the World


People, people everywhere

Here and there…

Where are they all going?

Are they done

Or are they moving on?

Faces

So many different faces

Colors, shapes and sizes

Smiles and laughter

Eyes twinkling bright…

Determination and maybe some fear

Who will they see

Will they finally get it right?

It’s crazy though

Even in the crowd…

There is a huge peace there

I feel you Father… 

You are amidst your creation

Watching, guiding, 

Protecting and loving

Even those who do not know,

YOU are there…

God is Bigger

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How often do we try to put our lives in a neat little package. We plan, we organize, we figure out down to the very minute what our day can and will look like. Sound familiar?

That has been my life… at least until very recently…

In my journey with Papa God the last nine months, He has been teaching me how to be fearless and in that He has been teaching me how to be spontaneous. And yes, those of you who have known me for any amount of time are probably wondering how truthful this is. Because, yes, my entire life was controlled, by me, no spontaneity unless of course it was planned! This is new though and it is truth… truth directly from the Father’s heart.

Now I am in this process of letting God do His thing with me. He is teaching me to enjoy even the smallest moments, and the smallest victories… Rejoice in all things and be thankful… as it says in 1 Thessalonians  5:16-18. The Lord is not only reminding me to take it all in, but also that He is right there with me enjoying my rejoicing and thankfulness.

We were created by God for His pleasure, but how can we give Him pleasure if we are always sad or angry or defeated or hopeless? In those things we fall prey to the enemy and we lose all control.  Do you know when we lose control the most? When we try to control our life…

Yes, I believe that Papa God is order that is sometimes out of order. Not confusion or chaos because that is not God, but rather God outside of the box, sounding different, looking different, trying to switch it up a bit to make sure we are paying attention.

Every time I get comfortable with God being one way to me, He changes. True? How often do we as Christians go through periods where we struggle hearing God? Once we figure out we need to seek Him and listen in a new and different way, we hear Him again don’t we?

God is constant, yet ever-changing. As we grow in our maturity in our relationship with God, we must grow in our levels of understanding and hearing Him… we must know His heart in order to truly know Him.

And yet again…how do we know the heart of the Father? We spend time with Him, in all of His shapes and sizes and colors and sounds… we learn His voice, after all it was Jesus in John 10 who said, my sheep know my voice. Are you a sheep and are you listening???

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God; those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it.  ~Brother Lawrence

 

 

I Should Be Reading

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Yes, I should be reading… why? Because if I don’t read some everyday, then I might not get through this HUGE book that I have to read and write about by September 6th for the beginning of my second year of ministry school!

Now, I am enjoying this book… it is basically a collection of sermons and teachings by John G. Lake. If you are not familiar, you should become so. He is an amazing father of the Christian faith, one who as I continue reading his sermons, had a love and faith for GOD that was so evident in every facet of his teachings. I have been drawn into a deeper love of my Lord through him.

This might sound odd, but to me, I am grateful. I believe that God puts that kind of call on people where they might teach us, by showing us, how to come into deeper love with the Father.

This is why I should be reading. I am in such awe of the revelations by this man about God. Not only about God, but about who we are to God. One of my favorites so far is from a teaching called “The Strong Man’s Way to God”. Here Lake talks about the perfect victory note which is heard in the resurrection of Jesus Christ and how we then are transformed by the very touch of God through His Spirit, and… we are sons of God, “Not sons of God on a lower order, but sons of God as Jesus is.” ( John G. Lake, p. 52)

I should be reading.

I have only read five chapters and have read each of the chapters twice, because, honestly, the first reading is just to blindly read and not really try to comprehend. The second reading then, is for dissecting and understanding, or trying to understand.

It’s seems like books continue to change my life, my relationship with God… who I am. That’s because these books are reminding me to dig in for the truth. Nothing is on the surface, not anything of any substance. Only when we go down deep and get dirty do we really find true meaning…

Revelation….

Destiny…

And so, I should be reading. I will continue to do so, to learn all I can from others who have gone before and experienced and shared. This is why I should be reading… in reading I question and talk to God, who then answers me in His Spirit and draws me in closer.

The Father gets joy in our discovery, our joy and our looking to HIM for approval.  ~Bill Johnson

Stop Trying… Trust

the fog

I sit here this morning, thoughts swirling around in my head, trying to grab just one and comprehend. But… that’s not possible. God doesn’t want us to comprehend, He wants us to trust.

The more I try to figure it all out, the further I move away from Him and into a state of confusion… definitely not a place I want to be. After all,  the Lord is not there, because He is not a God of confusion, and where confusion or chaos is present, it is not from God.

Now, it is important to also be aware that it will try to creep in. All the swirling thoughts might have to be sorted through, but that’s all, just sort and then put them aside. There is not a need to understand. The Father is where you receive understanding from.

Does that seem confusing? Yes, it might, in fact it almost seemed that way to me as I wrote it, but it really does make sense. Let me explain. We must process through the thoughts and determine which ones to keep and which ones to toss out. This process must be done with the Holy Spirit in order to prevent the confusion from seeping in. Holy Spirit will help us see clearly, even if we don’t understand.

The biggest nugget of wisdom I have gained recently is this… God is full of wisdom and love for me, and I only need to understand as He feels I am ready to understand, instead, I remain in His presence allowing Him to be in everything I do, say and think, and I will be fine.

This is HUGE for me, as I have always been a worrier and a planner. I made notes for my notes… every second of my day was planned out! Well almost… but, I was a nervous wreck, all the time! And now, I actually pack the night before a trip…!!! What? Yeah, for me that’s crazy, because in the past this would be done at least a week prior, maybe even sooner.

The Father is teaching me how to chill and not miss moments in life. In that, I am growing in my trust of Him and where He is taking me in this journey. My life can be full of worry and doubt and anxiety and fear, as my past 40 years have been, or it can be full of adventure and friendships and family and love and timeless moments where I can live life abundantly with my Lord.

So, as I sit here and the thoughts have now subsided from their swirling, a peace has settled instead and an excitement is growing inside… today is a new day that has just begun. I ask my Father, as an excited child would… Daddy,what will we do and where are we going today? Because, I am ready to go with you!!!

Always, everywhere, GOD is present, and always HE seeks to discover Himself to each one. ~A.W. Tozer

Freedom


Freedom

What is it?

How does it feel?

It is…

Nothing

And everything

Noise

And silence

Hot

And cold

Dark

And light

Freedom

It is…

Either or

And because

Maybe but

Yes please

All of the above

None of them

Freedom

It is…

Agree

Or disagree

Opinion

Or no opinion

Choosing

Or not choosing

Knowing

Or not knowing

Freedom

It is…

Not caring

Or caring

Not seeing

Or seeing

Not feeling

Or feeling

Not loving

Or loving

Freedom

It is… whatever you want

And how you want it

You choose

Nothing holds you back

Nothing…

only yourself

Freedom

Unpack That Verse… Habakkuk 2:14 The Covering of the LORD

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“For the earth will be filled With the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, As the waters cover the sea.  Habakkuk 2:14 (NASB)

As I looked out into the sky this morning, I saw how the clouds were resting on the mountains. They laid, ever so softly, on the tops of the mountains as if to cover them…protect them even.

It was beautiful to look at, peaceful and comforting.

As I reflected more, I began to think of how God covers us. I began to search for verses where God covered His children. Habakkuk 2:14 was one that I found and it resonated with me.

This verse likens the covering of God to His Glory. Not only that, His glory is revealed in our knowledge of Him and it will be as vast as the waters of the sea. What an incredible picture!

We have yet another example of knowing God and as we know Him more, we truly KNOW Him. We will come to know HIs Glory… His Presence… we will be covered by HIM! AND… it will be as big as the waters that cover the sea!!!!

WOW!

Often when I feel the presence of the Father, it is like a covering, a warm and cozy blanket that HE places over me. It is such an awesome feeling!

I LOVE to be covered by God!

I hope you have had this experience. If not, it is possible. In fact, the Lord is probably just waiting for you to come to Him so He can cover you. Go to Him now, quickly, and let Him cover you with His LOVE!!!

GOD doesn’t want something from us, HE simply wants us!  -C.S. Lewis