My journey has begun. I am no longer the person I was, but neither am I the person I will be. The process has been initiated and I am ready. In this process, I am expectant. The Lord is changing me from the inside out. It has already started. There has been pain, and many tears. The shedding off, the breaking away of all the crap that needed to be gone. I only use crap, because that is truly the best word to describe that stuff the Lord has been digging out of me. Things like fear, fear of everything! In fact, my fear was so intense, that it brought on anxiety and then because of the anxiety, depression. It was a wonder that I was able to function at all throughout my life. His strength was always in me and that is the only reason why. But just His strength is not enough… I needed to break off the spirit of fear that was debilitating to my life!
I had a revelation about two and a half months ago, that fear was the root of most of my issues. Fear was blocking me from receiving the fullness of life the Father had for me. Fear was preventing me from truly living the abundant life! Once that revelation sunk in, the Father and I began working on breaking all of those fears off. All I can say is, it has been difficult but also freeing! I have had some major breakthrough, and in those moments, I have finally begun to believe in me and how God sees me.
So, in this process, I, with Holy Spirit right beside me, have come face to face with many of my fears. There have still been some anxiety in those moments, but more courage than fear. I still have work to do, but I am no longer afraid, at least not like I was. More importantly, I am aware of this side of me now, and am equipped on how to walk with Holy Spirit through it. In the beginning of this process, I received a very profound word which catapulted me into conquering this head first; if I am trusting God, then why would I be afraid of anything, because He is the protector of all. Moreover, just because I am afraid doesn’t mean I can prevent anything from happening, but rather might increase the severity of it because of my fear and anxiety! In that moment, I realized that I was not in control, and so I didn’t need to be fearful. And, the weight that had been on me my entire life, began to lessen. What a feeling!!! It was amazing!
My fears are not completely gone, I know there is still work to be done. But, I am already changed and my walk is so much lighter and more free. My life experiences are already abundant, because I am taking risks and trusting the Father in every step. I have finally embarked on my adventure to a fuller life and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me!!!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be
with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)