Pain Like Never Before…

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I was not expecting this or was I ready. But, God the Father already had this figured out. He knew this season was going to be a time of pruning and pain. He also knew it would be the point where I finally learned how to let Him love me.

Going to ministry school was something that I felt God had been speaking to me for about 2 years. Unfortunately my idea of ministry was only a small piece of what it has actually been. Yes, there has been theology and Bible study and my knowledge in those areas is already expanding and I look forward to even more growth there.

The other side of ministry school was something that took me by surprise. It involved LOVE. More specifically the LOVE of the Father. Even as I write this, I am beginning to cry yet again. I cried, no wept, for 2 hours today. Why? All because of the amazing love of the Father. In this time with Him today, He pruned me… deeply. It hurt… deeply. I felt love in this pain… and even though it was one of the hardest moments in my life, I can honestly say it was probably one of the moments where I felt the most love I have ever felt. Yes, in a moment of my worst pain, I felt the most love ever!

As the tears began to fall, it was the beginning of worship. I don’t even remember what song we were singing, but I couldn’t even sing, I just stood there, arms by my side, head down, tears rolling down my face falling to the floor. I began to ask Papa why I was crying, and all I heard was, let it go Irene. Stop trying to be strong, it’s ok to be weak. In your weakness I am strong… let me be strong for you.

Then He proceeded to bring me through moments in my life, moments of pain and regret and loss, and as we remembered together, and I cried, He asked me for each memory… and He took it from me. His patience and tenderness for me made me cry more because I felt like I didn’t deserve it. He told me I did and reminded me of His love for me no matter what. I cried more…

I wondered if the tears would ever stop…

Worship continued and I fell to  my seat and then to the floor and the tears fell as abundantly as the memories floated through my thoughts. The Father remained by my side, holding me, loving me… because He chose to.

Worship ended and my tears finally subsided, though I was wrecked, physically and spiritually… I had nothing left in me, or so that’s what I thought.

I got home, and called my husband, and the floodgates opened up again. As I cried and shared with him, the Father showed me His love for me yet again…

He showed me that I was to see the beauty in myself so I could call out the beauty in others…

I wept again…

In my weakness and my lack, my Daddy strengthened me and breathed life into my spirit. His life-giving breath filled me and refreshed me giving me hope.

At this point, the sobbing stopped  and as I quietly cried I realized I had a new hope for who I was in Christ. In that moment, with my tear-streaked face, puffy eyes and snotty nose… I began to see myself as beautiful and as the Father’s beloved… even as tears continued to flow, He was there catching every single tear and loving me.

I know my process is not complete, I will always be in process with the Father. This day has been a defining moment for me though. I will walk from a place of renewed strength, filled with hope and life in a new direction looking for beauty which is born out of pain… a beauty that the Lord has found in me and is teaching me how to find in those around me.

All Around

Beauty
God’s way of allowing us to see
He shows us the world
And then we see even more
We look at everything in a new way
This is how we feel HIS love
Stop today
Watch it all go by
See the beauty of God
All He created
Feel the love all around
Even the earth and its sound
Hear it and believe
The Father is truth
And HE loves you and me
Move towards Him
And things will change
Your life will be full and
You will love in the extreme!
That’s who God is
And it’s who He wants you to be!

See, Feel, Know THE LOVE…

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The beauty of each day unfolds

    something we should stop to behold

Let us not miss what is right before us

     may we look up and TRUST

Help us FATHER to understand…

     YOU have a master plan

When YOU draw us near

     in YOUR arms, there is NO FEAR!

YOUR love is so POWERFUL

     how can we not know???

Feel it as it flows down…

     in our hearts… YOU are found!

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Beauty in the Light…

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A kiss in the wind… a wave goodbye

Words of love, a smile, a grin

Look up in the sky… remember it all

The happy flutters, the cloud covers… rolling by

Sweet songs

Beautiful flowers

Dreary dark days

Full of showers…

Turn left, turn right… look up, look down

Each day, each moment

Never lose sight…

Behind the clouds the sun will always peek through

Sadness and doubt eventually come with peace and joy too…

3 Day Quote Challenge : Day 1… Eyes That See

irene-eyes

I have been challenged by a fellow blogger to do a 3 Day Quote Challenge. That means I will be choosing a quote each day for the next three days and blogging about the quote. This will be a challenge to me. I do try to blog each day, key word there being… “TRY“. This then, will ensure a blog for the next three days at least! I do love the quote idea though. Quotes are something I love to incorporate into my blogs, often and throughout. So, thank you erhynireh for the challenge!

Let’s get started. Here is my quote:

quote-seeing

The eyes are very important for many reasons. Seeing is one of their main functions. Now, seeing can mean different things.

The obvious, to see what’s in front of you, around you, behind you, etc. You are seeing in the physical.

That is the most basic function of the eyes and a very important one at that. It is how we get around day to day in all that we do. It is possible to do so without sight, as there are many who have either no sight or partial sight, and they function quite well. I would like to suggest though, that given the choice, everyone would want to have the ability to see the physical world. Agree?

The challenge of seeing comes with the non-obvious. I feel like the best way to describe it is the mind’s eye and the heart’s eye.

One way is in your mind, dreaming, daydreaming, imagining… these are all great ways to see in the mind. The other is seeing through emotion and feeling. Both of these ways, I believe, are founded on the seeing ability of God.

Let me explain. God speaks to us in our heart and our mind. In our heart, in love, God shows us how to feel love and how to accept love from Him, first and then from others. In that love, God also renews our mind to think like Him and ultimately see like Him. He also does this by giving us dreams and visions.

phil 4;7

How would seeing like God matter any? Think about it… people see things differently. Two people could look at exactly the same painting. One might see nothing but a bunch of colors and not be impressed at all. On the other hand, the second person might look at it and be astounded by it’s beauty! I know everyone has heard the famous saying… “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

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Beauty in everything. And seeing with LOVE is how God sees. As we grow closer to God, this is how we begin to see, in love just like HIM. We follow His lead and learn how to have His eyes of LOVE, the way He looks at us.

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God the Father looks at us, and our mess and He doesn’t see all the junk, but rather, He sees beauty. HIS eyes see who we really are and HE loves us. God knows our hearts and our potential and HE believes in us!

beautiful

We should look at the world and each other in this same way. Look for the beauty in everything around you. Even in the deepest, blackest darkness there is a light that will shine, even if it only starts as a tiny spark…

Spark

Have you been looking at thing around you and really “seeing” them? Will you see differently now? Remember, we all have our own darkness and ugliness, but if we see the beauty and light in others… they might just see ours.

Now as a part of this challenge, I also have to challenge 3 other bloggers each day to do the same, so here goes… I challenge

Giggles & Tales

PHOTOPHILE

Beauty Beyond Bones

Have fun and be encouraged… you are LOVED!!!

 

The day I understood…

I still remember how I felt the moment I became a mom. I was so excited!!! And, so very scared too… but I was also so in love right from the start. It didn’t even matter that I hadn’t even met you yet. I didn’t care, I ALREADY LOVED YOU!!!

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You became the center of who I was and I everything that defined me. You were the one who made me a mom. I was privileged, honored and so in love!!!

 

 

 

Kaysi

Then, the day finally came. I got to meet you, my beautiful baby girl. You were everything I hoped for and MORE!!! AND… I was so in love!!!

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My life was no longer all about me, but instead all about this amazing, wonderful, beautiful life God had given me to be a mom to, to take care of, to love with all of my heart.

 

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Now, why God the Father chose me to be your mom, I cannot answer. The fact that HE wanted me to be yours and you to be mine, is still something that is just the most amazing happiness to me!

 

It is a happiness that can only be found in motherhood. A happiness that is like no other, that flows over into immense, powerful, unconditional love.

 

In that love, a love that you my daughter gave me through the gift of you, I finally understood what it meant to be a mom too. As a mom, I understood my own mom too. And in that moment, I finally understood you, my own mom, and I loved you too!

I felt a new understanding, a new connection to you mom as a mother myself. Our relationship moved to a new level.

We were now moms, both of us, talking about our love, for those who had made us mothers. Love of our daughters, taught us how to love each other too!

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