Freedom


Freedom

What is it?

How does it feel?

It is…

Nothing

And everything

Noise

And silence

Hot

And cold

Dark

And light

Freedom

It is…

Either or

And because

Maybe but

Yes please

All of the above

None of them

Freedom

It is…

Agree

Or disagree

Opinion

Or no opinion

Choosing

Or not choosing

Knowing

Or not knowing

Freedom

It is…

Not caring

Or caring

Not seeing

Or seeing

Not feeling

Or feeling

Not loving

Or loving

Freedom

It is… whatever you want

And how you want it

You choose

Nothing holds you back

Nothing…

only yourself

Freedom

Love Chose Me

love

Love is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you and it runs away. You know what I mean? Sometimes you don’t even realize it is there until it completely knocks you over with this all-consuming weight of euphoria! Then, there’s the times when you are searching for it and missing it and it is nowhere to be found! Why?

My thought is that love is something we choose… it doesn’t choose us. Not, the true, lasting love. We decide to choose love. And in this decision, we do it no matter what. Right? No matter how mad, how hurt, how frustrated, how tired we get… we choose love. Yes! In return, love chooses us!

God the Father is love. He chooses to love us… but He doesn’t force us to love Him. We run from Him and we run to Him, and yet He always chooses to love. The Father loves us in our darkest, ugliest times.. He chooses to love us, even when we don’t love Him back.

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I have always loved God and there have even been some times where I have felt His love. Until, I came to this revelation of true love, His love, being a choice, I didn’t really know His love…

I am beginning to understand…

The all-consuming love of the Father is beyond describable. It is warm and heavy. It is crippling and wonderful. It is random and spot on. It is LOUD and a whisper all at once!

Our human bodies cannot fully comprehend the Papa’s beautiful love. We cannot explain it, or control it or recreate it… we just wait like a child and ask our Daddy for more, more MORE!!! Then we wait for it to fall down on us. When it falls, I have learned to let go and let whatever is going to happen, happen. I just bask in the glory of Father God and thank Him for coming.

Learning to be loved by God, who is love, has already been one of the most amazing breakthroughs for me in the last 3 months. In that embrace of the Father’s love, I am finally learning how to love myself by letting Him love me! What a truly amazing feeling, like the coziest, warmest, biggest blanket wrapped around me perfectly! I am finally safe!

I only can hope that He will continue to give me more and more… which I know He will, because that is what He promises, we just have to ask. My human mind has difficulty processing all of this. And, how in the world can this be so amazing and feel so wonderful? Because it is not of this world, but rather from Heaven. And the Creator, my Father, is bringing it to me, all because He chooses to love me!

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What Really Matters…

Opinions. Everyone has them. And everyone’s opinion is important, but not necessarily right.

Walking through life places many things before us. As we come upon these things, we have an opportunity to decide how we feel and what we believe.

The world is made up of many people. Each of these individuals have an opinion, a belief. These are what makes the world move forward. Our daily decision is how we will respond to the people placed before us whether it be in a work situation, within our families and friends or complete strangers.

Do we agree or disagree? And is it always the same? Just thinking about it is almost enough to cause an anxiety attack! EEK!!!

So many factors come into play as we interact with people around us. And often, it’s not a question of whether to agree or disagree, but rather, merely to offer encouragement and love.

What????

Yes, I went there.

The conversation and life, will go on, even if we really don’t express our true opinion. You do not always have to say what you think. The sun will still set and rise regardless of how you respond. But, the thing to think about is, how do you make the other person feel in your response?

Because the true joy in life is not whether you are right or wrong or even whether you win or lose… True joy comes from making people smile and laugh and feel important, loved. As you offer those things to someone, you also show them Jesus… and what could be better?

WE ARE CUPS, constantly and quietly being filled… The trick is KNOWING how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.  – Ray Bradbury

Unconditional Love

love unconditional

Life happens, even when we don’t want it to. Sometimes it even continues all around you even when you are trying to stand still. But in those moments, we often feel the presence of God even more than we ever would. Those moments are the times that God reaches out and embraces us in the midst of our hurricane.
One of my hurricanes happened when I was 19 and in college. My desire to be loved and wanted was so intense that I was willing to lose myself in the process. This is a dangerous place to be in, a place where we give in sometimes to get it over with.

So as a 19 year old in a world I had never been in, I trusted another human to love me. In that moment, there was love. Whether the love was just on my side is okay, because in that moment, my first beautiful daughter became a reality.

As I began to embrace the fact that I was going to have a baby, fear set in. I believed I loved the father and felt like the only right thing to do was to get married and raise the baby.

My parents thought differently. They felt like the worst option to choose was marriage. Of course to me the worse option was was having an abortion, but since that wasn’t even a choice for my very devout Catholic mother, marriage was the worse option.

This began a very emotional season for me where I tried to figure out what to do.

Was marriage truly not an option? But I thought I loved the father. And if I loved him, shouldn’t we get married and have our baby? That is what he wanted. But did he want it too badly? Not only that, I had to know what I was feeling and what to I wanted to do.

As the months passed, I began to realize that the best choice for my baby was adoption. I loved my baby more than imaginable. Because of that, I knew this would be the best for her. She deserved the happy home that I had growing up. She deserved a mother and father together, established and ready to give her the opportunities in life that I couldn’t give her.

My baby continued to grow and the months passed. Before I knew it, her time came. I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3 am, having to pee and instead my water broke on the bathroom floor. I called to my mom and shortly after we were on the way to the hospital. After a fairly easy and completely natural labor, my baby girl was born at 7:30 am on November 3, 1991.

I wasn’t going to hold her or even see her. I knew that I would never be able to leave her. But, because I loved her so and she deserved a better life, I was going home without her. Well, the next morning, after a very emotional 24 hours, I decided I had to at least see her. I couldn’t leave the hospital and chance not ever seeing her.

So I went to the nursery, and saw her. Oh, how beautiful she was! And her eyes, those eyes remained in my mind for many years. I even talked to her and told her how much I loved her and how I always would.

I went home and cried for what seemed like weeks. Post pardon depression set in and a sadness like I had never ever felt. I had a hole in my heart. I wasn’t sure it would ever heal.

Eventually, I fell back into the motions of my life. I went through each day and realized that I was never going to forget, so I had to figure out how to move on. The only way was to throw myself into my school and work and not leave time for feeling.

I thought about her every day and my love never died… It was always there. I prayed that one day, she would want to know me and God would allow it to happen.

God answered my prayer. On New Years Eve 2007, I saw her again after 16 years. Not only that, my second daughter Kaysi, got to meet her half sister Ginny for the first time. It was weird and amazing all at once. My two girls together!

Over the next several years we have stayed in touch and talked and become more acquainted.

Ginny is an amazing young woman. But that is due to her mom and dad who her adopted her 24 years ago and raised her. I loved her enough, and then they loved her too.

I have often thought about my choice and my daughter over the years. Yes, I missed her growing up and yes, I could have raised her… She would have been loved by me and my family. But would she have been as well taken care of and had the amazing opportunities her parents have given her? I still believe to this day that I made the right choice for Ginny, even though it was, without a doubt, the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I made it out of complete and unconditional love for my baby and for the beautiful woman this baby has become!

Which Way???

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What do you know

about where to go?

A choice to make

a chance to take.

Your own strength

or allow God to sustain

Life is full of more light

when we choose life over flight

forgiveness over revenge

joy over pain

love over fear

have faith… you are almost home

God the Father

He is always there

just believe… He is so near

Right beside you, holding your hand

All part of the master plan

life over death

heaven over hell…

It will soon be over

He loves you like no other…

After all… He died because of His love for you

And you, know it is TRUTH!

 

 

 

State of Mind or Feeling of the Heart?

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Happiness is a state of mind. Sadness is the same. These two emotions, like all the emotions we feel as humans, are felt in the heart but can be controlled in the mind.

Events in life can affect our emotions. These include both happy events and sad events. Sometimes those memories are the easiest to control. Once the memory fades we no longer feel sad or angry or depressed even. Sometimes that is a true blessing, so we can move on with our lives.

Our mind and our heart often collide when feelings threaten to take us over. Our heart feels whatever the emotion is and the mind, well, the mind often battles the heart to protect both from possible vulnerability. Vulnerability can open the heart up to pain and sadness. Conversely, closing that off can also prevent true intimacy within a relationship and ultimately, true feeling.

Control the mind and what it thinks and control the feelings of the heart… truth? 

Thoughts filter through our minds. They float around like leaves blowing in the breeze. The key is to catch the negative thoughts, the one that will cause sadness, and destroy them. Those thoughts cannot be allowed to float around free since they can threaten the heart’s happiness. The positive thoughts should be capitalized on and expounded upon if possible, that way happiness will flow through the body into the heart.

Happiness flowing through the body is like food to the soul. A happy mind and heart is good for the body. It is healthy on so many levels…

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bone.                         Proverbs 17:22 (NASB)

We can choose to be happy and think positive thoughts. Why not be happy today… after all it’s better for the body… heart and mind.

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SEASONS Change…

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Life is full of so many things. Moments creating memories. These are the seasons in life.

SEASONS of happiness

SEASONS of sadness

Even though some seasons might seem almost unbearable, and you cannot wait for them to be gone. You have the ones that you will want to remember and even relive over and over because they were so amazing!

experiencing

Each season brings opportunities.

Opportunities to FORGIVE

Opportunities to LOVE

Each moment is a deciding factor in what will happen next. And what happens next defines who we are. Who we are is determined by how we respond in happiness and sadness…

Lord lead me

Character is strengthened throughout the seasons in life. Or, character is broken down. Choosing to follow God and His will for your life will help you in making better choices… choices that will lead you to a fullness of life.

Fullness of life…ABUNDANCE

As the Father intended for all of us. Abundance in happiness AND in sadness, because JESUS is with us through ALL of it!!! And with Him walking beside us in each season, we are stronger.

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Seasons come and seasons go. Things in our life change, CONSTANTLY. It’s a mere fact of life. And unfortunately, a lot of our seasons and life experience are really ones we would rather have a “do-over” on! But, as I believe the LORD has a plan, I also believe that our strength and character come from EVERY season we walk through.

Ive-Never-Met-A-Strong-Person

Every tear we cry, makes us stronger

Every smile we share, makes us stronger

Every broken heart, makes us stronger

Every prayer we speak, makes us stronger

Every time we choose love… we are made stronger

Every time we mirror JESUS and respond in HIS love… we walk with the FATHER.

And one thing I know to be true is walking with the FATHER is the ONLY place I ever want to be. WHY???

A season with HIM is ALWAYS better than one without HIM!!!

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You Choose…


You open your eyes and another day begins…

you sit up and look around

you wonder…

What will today bring???

The truth…??

You really don’t know…

GOD says we have a choice.

Our CHOICE…

We can choose the path of

RIGHTEOUSNESS.

We can choose the path of

EVIL.

Good or Bad.

Who will you choose to follow today?

The one who lies to you so you will do what he wants you to do?

OR…

The ONE who gives you a choice because HE loves you?