My Process -Part 2

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God is always with me

Oh how I now can see

God is always with me

I have now come to believe

God is always with me

His love has set me free…

Do you know that God is always with you? Even if you believe that, do you truly understand what that means?

In my process during my time here at Bethel in California, I have begun to see with my eyes wide open, believe with a mind that has been transformed and experience freedom with a heart that is being restored. I know without a doubt that God is always with me.

Look around you,  even right now as you are reading this, and see with the eyes that the Father made when He created you. What do you see? I see beauty… pure majestic, divine beauty that only the Father of all father’s could create. In this beauty, I see God and I know He is with me. It is yet another confirmation of His constant presence in my life.

God says He will never leave us…

Our God is one who is faithful to His promises even when we turn from Him. I have spent many years wavering back and forth, but I never turned from Him completely because even in some of my darkest and most lonely moments, I felt the Father. I didn’t know then that it was God giving me the comfort and peace that I needed, but now as He is walking me back through my life, I am realizing that He was always there. He was always there…always with me…

I am in awe of that…

The Creator of the heavens and the earth was and is always there for me… His love for me is that huge. The coolest aspect of this revelation is that I now understand that warm feeling that I have experienced many different times in my life… it was the Father covering me in His love exactly when I needed it most.

As I move forward in my relationship with the Lord, I am constantly aware of His presence and His love. I feel it even, often as a heaviness and warmth. His Spirit fills me constantly. It is such an amazing feeling, a feeling that brings me such joy!

Feeling the Father’s presence and recognizing that, has launched me into so much breakthrough. In fact, as I reflect, I am almost baffled. My journey, especially in the last 2 months, has completely changed my view of who I thought I was, but it has drawn out the true Irene. I actually had a good friend of mine recently peg me as her “adventurous friend”… to me that was a huge compliment and honestly not how I would have ever though someone would describe me. I have embraced it, though, and it excites me. I am excited now about life and all the adventurous opportunities the Lord will place in front of me.

I am still unpacking and processing all the Lord has done and is doing. As, I come to new revelation, I will share, and I know it will be soon… thank you for reading and may you be blessed with your own adventures with the Father!

 

My House

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Every single person is here on this earth for a reason. Yes, every single person. We all have a purpose. Our purpose is one that glorifies the Kingdom of God. Even if someone is not yet part of the family of believers, he or she still have a Divine purpose.

For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities– all things have been created through Him and for Him.  Colossians 1:16 (NASB)

We, all of us, are actually created by and for the Father… God the Father, creator of Heaven and Earth chooses us. But, He lets us decide whether or not to choose Him and in that deciding moment, we have an opportunity to know our identity, our destiny… or at least tap into the wellspring of knowledge which will lead us into that.

In the last month, I have let go of and said good bye to much in my life. The comforts of people and places and things that had been around me for over 10 years are now in my hindsight. Now, the people, family and friends, will still be integral in my life and not just a mere memory. That is of course depending on who they are to me… LOL! But the things and the places that were a comfort for so many years… well they are now behind me and I am looking forward.

God, in His infinite wisdom, has called me into to a new place. A place where I am not wrapped in a warm cozy blanket, but rather vulnerable to all. This is the place where my Father can come in and give me what I need. When I am vulnerable, I am often weak, so the Lord strengthens me. Not only that, He fills me so I am like Him… I am walking in love and peace. Now I can be who He wants me to be and change lives for the Kingdom!

As I look forward, part of me is scared to death.. yes, I am afraid. Everything is so new and different and wonderful and exciting, but scary too. So, this new place I am in is also exciting and thrilling and I cannot wait for what the Lord is going to do. The key is, I have to be willing… FULLY willing to let the Father do His thing in me.

Guess what?

I am ready… so ready.

I am working on myself. I am conquering fears. I am putting stuff behind me. I am becoming whole for the first time in my life. Actually, the Father and I are working on all of this together. God is healing me and preparing me for my next assignment. My spirit is so excited by this like never before! I am ready to fully submit to the Father and let Him use me like never before. I will step into my destiny and who He made me to be… FINALLY!

My home will be defined and I will live in it the way I was meant to by God. The time is now, this season is the season of change but also of calling. It is time for me to step into my promised land. Jesus has been waiting by my side… and now I am ready, as the Father knew. Exactly the time and the place.

destiny

 

 

 

Say Yes…

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God moves us. He moves us in ways that are good for us. Sometimes, we fight that, at least initially. Once we let Him do His thing, our Father, reveals to us all the awesomeness of living for Him.

I have fought the Lord for many years. Not in a way where I have gone against Him, or backslide completely. I have fought God in different ways.

As the Lord has drawn me close and increased my knowledge of Him, He has also drawn me into areas that were outside my comfort zone. I didn’t realize it until now. I was so inside my life and who I thought I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to do for the Lord, that I was missing His call on my life.

Sometimes in the midst of something huge from the Lord, we miss His call, because we have to be truly listening to His heart and not our own.

My heart was telling me I was doing His work while His heart was wanting me to do more… not more work, but give more of me…

That was something that I didn’t come to the realization of until very recently. As recently as today. Yes, this morning, the Lord revealed this exact challenge to me. I read a devotional which challenged me to go lower, dig deeper… seek the Lord more and surrender to Him completely. Then, the Father gave me the vision of Jesus washing feet… that’s where He wanted me.

The Father wants me to wash feet…

Well, I am ready.

In exactly one week, I will begin this journey of washing feet. I am letting the Lord do His thing with me…

I will be heading to California, to live by myself with no husband ( I will see my husband about every other month), no furry babies ( I had to find new homes for my two beautiful female cats), my daughter will be 3 hours away instead of 3 minutes (I will see her once or twice a month instead of 4 or 5 times a week) and I be building a new life in a brand new place forging new relationships all while going to ministry school.

WOW… so God and not me. Completely out of my comfort zone all the way around!

But that’s how I know it is completely and totally of the Lord and his purpose for me.

So, now, I have said yes to God. And I am anxiously waiting for what’s next. I already know it’s going to be amazing… I am believing because God has said so, and God doesn’t lie

destiny-quotes

45 Years

life

As I celebrate my 45th birthday, I am pensive.

Birthdays for me have always kind of been just another day. Now don’t get me wrong, I love gifts and I love cake and I love hanging out with family and friends. But, I am not someone who likes attention or being the center of attention… I get very nervous by all of that. And that is what birthdays are all about.

Celebrating the life of someone on the day they were born is an important event. Each of us has our own special day when God decided to send us to this earth. In effect, that day, our birthday,  it is an important day. Often, your birthday is even more important to the people in your life. The people who love you are grateful for that day. Simply because the day when you were born made it possible for you to be in their life. And, most of them would be lost without you. Truth? Yes, complete truth.

Now, I have lived 45 years and experienced many birthdays of my own and others. In looking back in my pensive mood this morning, I am hopeful in this year.

I have made mistakes, fallen and gotten back up many times throughout my 45 years, mostly in the last 20. All in all, I have kept moving forward. Moreover, I have grown from each trial, mistake and failure. And, I continue to keep pushing forward. After all, isn’t that what a birthday is all about? We celebrate another year old, while beginning a new year fresh.

We receive daily blessings. God is always there taking care of us from the time we are born. The one thing I have learned is that each year is a gift from our Father and a new beginning. We should strive to make each year better than the one before it. Not only in happy times and new experiences, but also in growth within, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Become the best you, become who God knows you already are… take a risk and anticipate awesome things!!! This year is going to be my best year yet!!!

life 2

 

The Peace Inside…


As The wind blows across my face

I still wonder… Is this my place?
The happiness comes and goes

And the sadness still flows
Will it ever go away…

Will I ever go the right way?
I look into the sky

As a lone clouds slowly moves by
The answers are still unknown

But I know I am not alone
And with that

I feel a certain peace inside
Now I smile

As the bad feelings slowly subside

Unconditional Love

love unconditional

Life happens, even when we don’t want it to. Sometimes it even continues all around you even when you are trying to stand still. But in those moments, we often feel the presence of God even more than we ever would. Those moments are the times that God reaches out and embraces us in the midst of our hurricane.
One of my hurricanes happened when I was 19 and in college. My desire to be loved and wanted was so intense that I was willing to lose myself in the process. This is a dangerous place to be in, a place where we give in sometimes to get it over with.

So as a 19 year old in a world I had never been in, I trusted another human to love me. In that moment, there was love. Whether the love was just on my side is okay, because in that moment, my first beautiful daughter became a reality.

As I began to embrace the fact that I was going to have a baby, fear set in. I believed I loved the father and felt like the only right thing to do was to get married and raise the baby.

My parents thought differently. They felt like the worst option to choose was marriage. Of course to me the worse option was was having an abortion, but since that wasn’t even a choice for my very devout Catholic mother, marriage was the worse option.

This began a very emotional season for me where I tried to figure out what to do.

Was marriage truly not an option? But I thought I loved the father. And if I loved him, shouldn’t we get married and have our baby? That is what he wanted. But did he want it too badly? Not only that, I had to know what I was feeling and what to I wanted to do.

As the months passed, I began to realize that the best choice for my baby was adoption. I loved my baby more than imaginable. Because of that, I knew this would be the best for her. She deserved the happy home that I had growing up. She deserved a mother and father together, established and ready to give her the opportunities in life that I couldn’t give her.

My baby continued to grow and the months passed. Before I knew it, her time came. I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3 am, having to pee and instead my water broke on the bathroom floor. I called to my mom and shortly after we were on the way to the hospital. After a fairly easy and completely natural labor, my baby girl was born at 7:30 am on November 3, 1991.

I wasn’t going to hold her or even see her. I knew that I would never be able to leave her. But, because I loved her so and she deserved a better life, I was going home without her. Well, the next morning, after a very emotional 24 hours, I decided I had to at least see her. I couldn’t leave the hospital and chance not ever seeing her.

So I went to the nursery, and saw her. Oh, how beautiful she was! And her eyes, those eyes remained in my mind for many years. I even talked to her and told her how much I loved her and how I always would.

I went home and cried for what seemed like weeks. Post pardon depression set in and a sadness like I had never ever felt. I had a hole in my heart. I wasn’t sure it would ever heal.

Eventually, I fell back into the motions of my life. I went through each day and realized that I was never going to forget, so I had to figure out how to move on. The only way was to throw myself into my school and work and not leave time for feeling.

I thought about her every day and my love never died… It was always there. I prayed that one day, she would want to know me and God would allow it to happen.

God answered my prayer. On New Years Eve 2007, I saw her again after 16 years. Not only that, my second daughter Kaysi, got to meet her half sister Ginny for the first time. It was weird and amazing all at once. My two girls together!

Over the next several years we have stayed in touch and talked and become more acquainted.

Ginny is an amazing young woman. But that is due to her mom and dad who her adopted her 24 years ago and raised her. I loved her enough, and then they loved her too.

I have often thought about my choice and my daughter over the years. Yes, I missed her growing up and yes, I could have raised her… She would have been loved by me and my family. But would she have been as well taken care of and had the amazing opportunities her parents have given her? I still believe to this day that I made the right choice for Ginny, even though it was, without a doubt, the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I made it out of complete and unconditional love for my baby and for the beautiful woman this baby has become!

Life…???


Who are we really? Have you ever thought about it? I mean really thought about it? Where did we come from? Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? Is there a GOD???

Deep questions for sure and ones that many of us have thought about, not once or twice, but often even.

Did any of you come up with an answer? Or answers? I am sure many of you have your own ideas and answers to theses questions. I, too, have my own ideas… My answers.

First off, the most important question’s answer… yes I do believe there is a God and only one God, the creator of all. Within that there is Jesus the son and the Holy Spirit.

For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.   Colossians 1:16(NKJV)

Now, from there we can build on the other questions and their answers. Since God created all, that means He created us, all of us.

 

 

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Genesis 1:27(NKJV)

 

Finally, the last questions about who we are and why we are here on this earth. We are God’s children, every one of us. He created us and He is our Father.

 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God,                                                                                                   Romans 8:16(NASB)

As we accept Jesus into our hearts and are filled with the Spirit of the Father, we are His child. Once that happens, we step into our destiny as heirs to the inheritance of the Lord. Sons and daughters of the King is who we are, our true identity.

 

 

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;
2 Peter 2:9(NASB)

 

A son or a daughter of the King are called to love God and love others. By doing this, we are imitating Christ and showing the world who God is and what love is! This is our reason for being here and our destiny in life.

We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.  1 John 4:19(MSG)

Ultimately, these seemingly hard questions are actually fairly simply to answer. God and His love is truly the answer to it all. Look to the Lord in all your life questions and trust Him to show you the answer that best suits you, His son or daughter, whom He truly loves!

 

Lead Me There…

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I look into my eyes

there I see all the lies

My life for so long

was nothing but wrong

I was not being me

but who I thought I should be

I could not see through

until the day I found you

The clouds began to part

and slowly I saw into my heart

Who I had become

and how to overcome

You held me

as I began to see

I no longer had to hide

from the person inside

I could be happy and secure

and finally feel something pure

Now I understand

and I have a new plan

I have much to give

and a life to really live

I will live my life in a way

to give me joy every day

And I will never look back again

or wonder what would have been

Because I have found my way through

to a love I will never lose.

isaiah

The Roller Coaster Called LIFE

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Life is often like a ride on a huge roller coaster! Going up a steep hill slowly, allowing for much anticipation. Then, in almost a split second, going down that hill super fast, screeching around a turn and down into a dark tunnel. And the whole time we are screaming and laughing and crying and excited and scared and happy. Almost every emotion comes out in that brief period of time. Yes, life is like a roller coaster ride.

Too bad, like the ride, life couldn’t change as quickly.

Often within some of our hardest moments in life, the fear, the pain, the tears, lie our longest, darkest days. We only want to be out of those times. We want them over and done quickly. Unfortunately they seem to linger almost endlessly.

Then, the times that are our favorite, we wish these moments to last into eternity. Those of course are the happy, joyous and loving parts of our life. We could stay in those times forever and never want anything else.

Here’s the question to ponder… why both? Why does life have to have both elements? Is it because the human body feels both? And as we feel both kinds of emotions, good and bad, we ultimately enable their presence on our roller coaster ride called life?

I believe this is part of it. I also believe that the presence of sin in our world also is a key factor in the presence of bad in our life.

12 Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned— Romans 5:12(NKJV)

Once sin entered, a door was opened to the world for the “fruits of the flesh” (as I like to peg them) to be present. What are the “fruits of the flesh”? Anything that is not a “fruit of the Spirit”. Here’ a good list to follow…


Fruits of the Flesh

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21(NKJV)


Fruits of the Spirit

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.                  Galatians 5:22-23(NKJV)

Which fruits are present when? Yeah… The bad ones often bring bad times and the good ones bring good times.

Now, both the good and the bad will be present in this world until the day our Lord and Savior, Jesus comes back, so, our best efforts to stay away from the “fruits of the flesh” and stick with the “fruits of the spirit” will result is more of those blessings in life. You know the best part of it all is? God is right there walking with us & His Spirit will guide us towards the best things. There will still be tears and pain, but the happiness and laughter will be in abundance too! God promises that!!!

20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.     Ephesians 3:20-21(NKJV)

Life, like a ride on a roller coaster can be emotional while creating an atmosphere of uncertainty. Allow Father God to ride with you… He will create an atmosphere of Peace and Love!

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